We often feel triggered by the behavior of certain people. It so happens to us in many relationships. Sometimes an innocuous remark from the boss, a comment by a colleague, or criticism by a spouse triggers us while on the other hand, at times even the worst of abuses and criticisms do not affect us. I think that our reactions depend upon two fundamental pillars. First, it depends upon our expectations from the person we are interacting with. Second, our past experiences.
Each one of us has defined one or the other meaning of life. There are some people who do not matter to us because we have not defined the meaning of our lives around them. However, there are few who matter a lot. For example, if somebody has defined the meaning of life around the parents, they will matter a lot to him and therefore he would expect certain behavior from the parents. If generally parents are appreciative and one fine moment they criticize, it may matter quite a lot to such a person. On the other hand, suppose neighbors do not matter much to a person and they are behaving erratically, it will not impact him much.
Second, our past experiences keep getting stored in our minds. Every time we interact with a person, the starting point is the reaction we had during the last interaction. Suppose we had a very ugly debate with a colleague and we abused each other while we interacted the last time, and today we are meeting that colleague again for some meeting, the unpleasant memories of the last meeting will surface in our mind as if a hot weather is set in. Our body is filled with unpleasant sensations and reaches near to the reaction point. The moment that colleague says something, we get triggered and react.
I have had both types of experiences in my life. Sometimes, the past memories triggered reactions while sometimes, I could start afresh doing away with the past memories. I can tell from my experience that if we can get away with these emotional triggers, it is quite a pleasant feeling at the end of the day. Yet, we somehow get fixated on the triggers. I find two fundamental reasons for the same. First, we feel a constant threat and these triggers are our defense mechanisms. Second, we do not observe the wideness of our existence and therefore get fixated on that person or his behaviour.
Till the time we have a limited perspective of our existence, we will keep making one or another meaning of our lives. All these meanings are bound to be narrow since they are quite far from reality. In the process, we attribute some shade to each character and the negative shades (in our perspective) start triggering us emotionally. We can't change their behavior. It's like living in a home that is dilapidated. We can get anxious and stressed by the falling out of the paint, broken furniture, or the falling roof every day. That brings no solution. We have to move out of the home at some point in time. The moment we move out of our fixed worldview, we see that the world is so wide and open to all types of possibilities. We restrict it to a very limited part of the entire possibilities and then get triggered if something is not working our way or somebody is not behaving the way we want. Holding on to somebody or something is an open invitation to reactions and emotional triggers. Letting go is bliss. We can let go of anything if we have a bigger thing to hold on to. That is why at the end of the day, we all have to realize the infinity of love and compassion, that make it possible for us to let go of anything, against the narrowness of lust and greed that makes us hold on to everything and makes our lives miserable.
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