This world is an extraordinary place. We give so much importance to our relations, to the extent that we believe that we live for our family and friends, yet when it comes to real-life situations, "Me" comes before everything else. Often discussions turn into debates and we often try to win these debates by giving different arguments to justify ourselves and the stand we took, as if we relate more with our viewpoints than our closed ones. I find no problem with the discussions. That is like sharing of the viewpoints. It enriches both persons and widens their perspectives. The problem is with the debates where we just stick to our viewpoint as if that is the eternal reality and just try to prove that the other viewpoint is incorrect or inferior.
I often wonder what makes us so fixated on our viewpoints. Why don't we see the viewpoints as just viewpoints? Why don't we understand that we are different from these viewpoints and the viewpoints keep changing?
Probably that's because we live a quite programmed life. We live life the way our society and circumstances condition us. A baby has no viewpoint. He uses all his senses to receive the inputs and make sense of this world. On the contrary, adults are so full of their views that they hardly allow their senses to receive fresh inputs. If we are little aware, we would notice that in most of the office meetings, most of us close our minds and listen only to what we wish to listen to. What changes the most receptive baby into the most resistant adult. That's probably the conditioning by society and situations.
As the baby grows, he faces many situations and meets different people. Each of these people and situations has an impact on the baby. He falls ill by eating street food to learn that eating street food may be risky. Somebody cheats him and he becomes a little reserved while dealing with people to realize soon that it is not possible to remain aloof. That makes him draw some generalizations about the potential cheaters and he forms a self-defense algorithm to stay away from certain types of people. He tries different ways and means to achieve the targets and certain ways work better as compared to the other ones. These experiences decide his arsenal to fight the battle of life.
Probably that is how all of us grow and have different viewpoints about different things and people. So far so good. The problem is not in having the viewpoints. In fact, all of us have different viewpoints and these viewpoints have a functional significance. We have to make decisions in real-life situations and time is of the essence while making such decisions. While driving the car on the road, we become more cautious when we pass through an area that is more prone to accidents based on our past experiences.
The problem arises because of one crucial factor. While forming these viewpoints, we do not remain aware of the contextual background. Even if we are aware of the background, we tend to forget that background and tend to believe in the universal applicability of our experiences. That is the crux of the problem. The problem is not the viewpoint that driving at night is unsafe. The problem is that we have forgotten the background when that viewpoint was formed. There were no streetlights when we formed that viewpoint. If we are aware of the contextual background while forming the viewpoint, the contextual background while applying the same, and the difference between the two backgrounds, we will not be fixated on our viewpoints.
We are not that stupid to make such a stupid error. Probably that happens because our mind is generally busy with the past or the future, not leaving sufficient energy in the present moment to absorb the inputs about the context. Like talking on WhatsApp calls with a weak internet connection, we have voice breaks and end up missing crucial inputs about the context. Further, due to fear of being proved stupid, we boast about our experiences during social gatherings. These loose talks act as inputs to the brain and create conflicts in our memory. We already have very little information on the contextual background of the experiences. These shallow talks further distort our perception of the context. Since we keep repeating these experiences in social interactions, without remembering their contextual background, due to these repetitions, we become absolutely sure of the universality of our viewpoints.
Is there any way to set free of the bondage of our own viewpoints? Probably, the solution lies in the problem itself. We lose awareness of the contextual background of our experiences and viewpoints due to a lack of attention while undergoing these experiences. With little awareness in the present moment, we can at least become aware of the contextual background of the moment when this experience is to be applied. With a little introspection, we can very well recall the contextual background of our experiences and analyze whether the same is different from the present situation.
Such an awareness does something magical. It makes us observe the fine difference between us and our viewpoints. That realization is wonderful. It frees us from the bondage of our viewpoints. We regain the freedom to reshape our own viewpoints and in fact to add many contradictory viewpoints together. The contextual background is like a third dimension that makes so many new possibilities out of a two-D shape. That makes us appreciate that the same ground may appear quite different when seen from the ground floor vis a vis the top floor of the building.
Such an understanding does something magical to relationships. We no longer identify others with their perspectives. We understand that their viewpoints are just like their memoirs. There are always new chapters being written. Some are more fixated on the past chapters while some are busy writing new chapters. But in either case, the viewpoints are just memoirs and the relationship is with the author and not the memoir. That makes the relationship magical and such magical relationships have the capacity to redefine our entire existence.
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