Yesterday, while walking, I realised that I was too busy with certain thoughts. I walked along a long track yet hardly observed anything outside. The thoughts preoccupied my mind. This morning, while sitting for meditation, I realised that in Vipassana meditation, we observe different sensations in our body. This act of observation requires slowing down and being stable. We cannot observe so long as we are busy with thoughts of the past or the future, or busy reacting to sensations.
The only cause of busyness with thoughts appears to be a loss of awareness of "who we are", which naturally brings fears and insecurities. These fears give rise to ambitions and desires, and, in turn, we are busy analysing the past and making plans for the future. Our minds are continuously busy analysing what is good or bad for us. We are all the times busy making plans for the future. The funny thing is that we hardly know anything about ourselves, yet we are so preoccupied with deciding what is good for us, like a toddler thinking about old age.
There is no doubt that we have the capacity to observe our own thoughts. We can apply the brakes, get out of the car, and observe all the thoughts as if they were different cars racing on a Formula One track. Our understanding of self undergoes a complete change with this act of observation. While driving one of these cars, our perspective narrows to the track ahead of us. On the other hand, in observation, we connect with the wideness of life. However, is it possible that we do not get into the car itself? Bhagavad Gita in Chapter 12 has a beautiful shloka:
12.16 अनपेक्षः (he who is) free from wants? शुचिः pure? दक्षः expert? उदासीनः equanimous? गतव्यथः free from conflicts? सर्वारम्भपरित्यागी renouncing all undertakings or commencements? यः who? मद्भक्तः My,devotee? सः he? मे to Me? प्रियः dear.
"सर्वारम्भपरित्यागी" is a wonderful expression. One who drops all the beginnings. One who does not get into the car. One who drops all the desires and becomes pure. One who develops equanimity and is free from conflicts.
Every day, we make thousands of decisions before we even get out of bed. The first decision is whether to get out of bed or to sleep longer. Basically, this is a decision to surrender to laziness or decide to be active. Similarly, throughout the day, we make thousands of decisions. What to eat, whether to make an effort to get to the office on time, how to respond to different people, how to prioritise time, and so on. If we observe ourselves, we will soon realise whether decisions are being made by a mind engrossed in a particular desire or ambition, or by a witness mode.
Decisions taken with a desire or ambition will always give rise to a new beginning. They will again fill our minds with the thoughts of the past and the future. Sri Krishna explains this mode of decision-making beautifully in Chapter 2:
2.38 सुखदुःखे pleasure and pain? समे same? कृत्वा having made? लाभालाभौ gain and loss? जयाजयौ victory and defeat? ततः then? युद्धाय for battle? युज्यस्व engage thou? न not? एवम् thus? पापम् sin? अवाप्स्यसि shalt incur.
This mode of decision-making, in which we do not see life as a profit-and-loss statement, is probably not possible unless we have complete surrender to the divine. That complete surrender is impossible till there is an iota of ignorance. Since we live in this body, which is a gross matter, there are layers and layers of ignorance that we need to enlighten with the presence of the divine. It's not a one-day exercise. As we live life, layers and layers of ignorance lie deep in the unconscious and surface, and every time we need to observe them with awareness. That awareness prevents us from getting into the car. It prevents us from getting trapped in the linear worldview of life like a racer.
There is further guidance on this by Lord Krishna in chapter 2:
2.48 योगस्थः steadfast in Yoga? कुरु perform? कर्माणि actions? सङ्गम् attachment? त्यक्त्वा having abandoned? धनञ्जय O Dhananjaya? सिद्ध्यसिद्ध्योः in success and failure? समः the smae? भूत्वा having become? समत्वम् evenness of mind? योगः Yoga? उच्यते is called.
"योगस्थः" is the key. Constant awareness that "unit" is just a part of the "whole". "Unit" has no independent existence. A branch office of an organisation need not set its own targets. Whatever is required for the branch office to run will be automatically provided by the head office. Further, what is required for the branch office will be decided by the fully aware head office and not by the greed of a branch. The head office knows what is required for the branch's growth, whereas the branch is often too immature to know what it needs. However, as the branch grows, it actively participates with the head office not only in deciding the requirements for its own growth but also in the growth of other branches. Just like the kids who participate in family decisions once they grow up.
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